Positive Parenting

Very important read for parents....

"It is now well accepted that physical discipline is not only less effective than other non-coercive methods, it is more harmful than has often been understood — and not just to children. A review of two decades worth of studies has shown that corporal punishment is associated with antisocial behavior and aggression in children, and later in life is linked to depression, unhappiness, anxiety, drug and alcohol use and psychological maladjustment. Beyond beating, parents can also hurt children by humiliating them, labeling them in harmful ways (“Why are you so stupid?”), or continually criticizing their behavior."


"The essence of the research is that children do best when they receive calm and consistent feedback and assertive discipline that’s based on reasonable expectations – with significantly more encouragement and positive feedback than criticism. “The main mistake parents make is forgetting the importance of catching kids doing the right thing,” says Sanders."


"“Typically, the children have been on the receiving end of a lot of negative attention from adults,” she said. “Even if the child has misbehaved all day, their parents try to catch them for that brief window when they are behaving well and praise them.” Parents are sometimes amazed by the changes. “I’ve had parents tearing up talking about how their relationship with their child has improved,” she added. “They went for a walk together and held hands for the first time. And parents report that they try it out on their spouses and coworkers and it works with them, too.”

It’s not just for children. “It really influences adult well-being, too” Sanders said. “Parents become less stressed, less angry, less depressed, and have less conflict with their partners.

Know more... read on... here 

Girl

Advice

"It’s foolhardy to try to persuade people to see the profound errors of their ways in the hope that mental change will lead to behavioral change. Instead, try to change superficial behavior first and hope that, if they act differently, they’ll eventually think differently. Lure people toward success with the promise of admiration instead of trying to punish failure with criticism. Positive rewards are more powerful.

I happen to cover a field — politics — in which people are perpetually bellowing at each other to be better. They’re always issuing the political version of the Crews Missile.

It’s a lousy leadership model. Don’t try to bludgeon bad behavior. Change the underlying context. Change the behavior triggers. Displace bad behavior with different good behavior. Be oblique. Redirect."

Read more here....

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/27/opinion/brooks-how-people-change.html?pagewanted=all

Status

FEAR

Habit

"The process within our brains that creates habits is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future. Over time, this loop — cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward — becomes more and more automatic. The cue and reward become neurologically intertwined until a sense of craving emerges. What’s unique about cues and rewards, however, is how subtle they can be. Neurological studies like the ones in Graybiel’s lab have revealed that some cues span just milliseconds. And rewards can range from the obvious (like the sugar rush that a morning doughnut habit provides) to the infinitesimal (like the barely noticeable — but measurable — sense of relief the brain experiences after successfully navigating the driveway). Most cues and rewards, in fact, happen so quickly and are so slight that we are hardly aware of them at all. But our neural systems notice and use them to build automatic behaviors."


Reading a fascinating book and a fascinating article of what companies are doing

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

How Companies Learn Your Secrets

The Prisoners’ Dilemma

"The troubling aspect of this game, the reason it is infamous, is that it seems clear that each player’s best strategy is always to defect. Whichever pawn is in my hand, you will do better by defecting: if I have cooperated, then defecting will make you £20 richer than you would be by cooperating, and if I have defected then your defecting will spare you a loss of £10. Yet we collectively are punished for our cold rationality, for if we both defect then we are both worse off than if we had both cooperated."


http://bosker.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/the-prisoners-dilemma/